“Relationships, Relationships, Relationships”.
24.05.19 — We can all remember that famous slogan by a previous Prime Minister; “Education, Education, Education” as well as that perhaps even more famous reality television programme helping people to buy a new house; “Location, Location, Location”. It seems that to get a point across, the tendency is for us humans to repeat ourselves! As I have continued to visit Centrepoint services over this past week, there is something that seems to be coming through loud and clear wherever I go. It’s a repeating theme that seems unwise to ignore; Centrepoint as an organisation is all about ‘relationships’. The relationships our staff and volunteers have with the young people who access our services, the relationships our staff have in supporting and working with each other, the relationships Centrepoint has with our external commissioners, funders and donors. Without relationships, Centrepoint as a charity doesn’t function as effectively as we want it to be to achieve our ultimate aim of ‘a home and a job’ for the young people who need our support.
Consequently, as I have been thinking more about the kind of overarching psychological framework that can support our psychologically informed environment (PIE), I can’t help but keep coming back to thinking about relationships and the importance of these within any framework. As a clinical (and forensic) psychologist, I am aware of the critical role of the ‘therapeutic relationship’ in allowing change, recovery and growth to occur. Humans are innately social animals, with a complex world of relationships that surround each and every one of us. Regardless of what therapeutic technique or framework I might have employed in individual work with one of my clients in the past, much of the power of change came through establishing that therapeutic relationship. Sometimes, all of it if I am honest!
Of course, sometimes the challenge for us is in forming those relationships. Sometimes the other person (because of their previous experiences) does not believe that they are worthy of a relationship with another person, or believes that that other may let them down in a relationship, and / or that the world is a hostile and threatening place rather than a supportive one. It’s hard not to take that personally, and feel rejected when we seek to form a connection with them and they turn away. Nevertheless, some of the young people I have met this week have despite some horrendously difficult past experiences of relationships (explaining why they understandably would reject yet another adult attempting to form a supportive relationship with them in a service), have shown trust and bravery in forming relationships with their keyworkers. I have also seen staff persevering to earn that trust and form that relationship, that hopefully in the future can support that young person to bring about positive and meaningful change in their life. This is important; as if we don’t form those positive relationships with our young people, they will seek them elsewhere from others, who are possibly less positive, appropriate or supportive.
Consequently, I keep reflecting this week, that we need to have an overarching psychological framework that is all about relationships. So back to our ex-prime minister and our reality TV show; I remember thinking at the time, why do you need to say something three times? Perhaps I now realise it’s because it’s something that is really important. A wise clinical ex-supervisor once told me during my psychology training, if someone says something to you once, you can ignore it; twice, you should maybe think about it; three times, you really need to do something about it. So here I am saying it; ‘relationships, relationships, relationships’ and I am setting a ‘PIE Reflective Challenge’ this week for all of us to consider our relationships with others, whoever they may be. Are they as positive, effective and supportive as they can be? And if not, why not; and what can we do about this?
